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Writer's pictureAbhijato Sensarma

Mess Denies Pork: Northeast Collective Makes Grand Plans to Embezzle SLO Funds as Revenge



Three weeks ago, the Northeast Collective at Ashoka University proposed a food festival where, among other items, a pork dish was to be prepared and shared among students who wanted to partake in the festivities. However, discussions about organising the festival fell through when the Mess stepped in to stop the plans.


Even though members of the Northeast Collective had volunteered to cook all the items themselves, segmenting the dishes used for preparing non-vegetarian and vegetarian food – as is procedure – the Mess revealed only chicken and mutton can be cooked within its premises.


One assumes that those are the only two items considered to be “non-vegetarian” in its philosophy. The rest of the foods, like pork, beef and fish, belong more to the realm of the “not-okay” instead. Under promises of anonymity (and a desire to not be “Reply All’d” by the mess with the threats of being ominously summoned to their first floor office), a member of the student body questioned: “Why can’t I have pork for a day if worms and rats frequently garnish my salad?”


On being informed about the matter, members of the Northeast Collective also expressed their surprise at the prospect of mutton being cooked in the Mess – it remains unclear in the “Deleted” section of students’ Gmail inboxes whether there has ever been the mention of any mutton being served in the poorly formatted menus we are sent at the beginning of every week.


At the time of contact, the Mess has not yet replied to us, instead letting us know that it is too busy preparing undercooked chicken for its next batch of food poisoning. Perhaps, it is best that the Northeast Collective has been seeking alternative sources of compensation for their own hurt sentiments.


They are exploring the option to have pork somewhere they won’t be frowned upon for indulging in the dish. To do so, they are considering an embezzlement of SLO funds, but such plans are likely to fall flat on their face due to the low budget collectives have in the first place.


For now, the Northeast Collective’s quest remains to find good food everyone can enjoy – hopefully without any beef involved with the Mess, or in it.



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