Hello. This is a talk your parents might not have given you. You can’t blame them, considering most of their hostels had a strict curfew before sunset and no cross-access. I’m here to fill that gap in your life. No, I can’t replace your emotionally distant father; but rest assured, I’ll do my best to replicate the mildly patronising tone that makes parental wisdom so sagely. Let’s begin.
First, ensure you are downstairs.
You’ve had a good time. In fact, you might have had too much of a good time. Time tends to fly by when you’re doing that: be aware of this risk and set an alarm for 12:25 am on your phone. It will go off right when you’re on the verge of an emotional breakthrough with your friend(s)/partner(s), because this is the time when vulnerability is at its peak. But you have to pause the conversation and drag them downstairs to continue it outdoors. No rare spark of healthy communication is worth a CADI reprimand.
Ensure you’re there on time.
Just because the alarm has gone off on your phone doesn’t mean you’re going to feel like any less of a daredevil. Yes, you might be on the tenth floor of the RH, but you’ll think to yourself: I’m in the peak of my youth. All the substances and terrible mess food couldn’t have been that bad for my health. I’ll run down the stairs in a minute, if I have to. But no matter how much your unfulfilled ambitions of going to the gym might have nourished your self-worth, this is not the time to flail and huff your way down so many flights of stairs. This isn’t a reality check about your non-existent stamina; I’m just looking out for you. Go and stand in front of the lift. That way, at least all of you inside can be late by a couple of minutes and blame the delay on it.
Third, beware of your company in the line.
Depending on what day of the week and what time of the semester it is, you might be the only one waiting to sign out from the RH at 12:29, or be stationed at the back of a line that’s extended all the way to the Common Room at 12:35. Either way, there’ll be people you have to be weary of.
The couple. A lot of college students are in love. It’s natural when you come across the same faces on campus every day. A lot less of them are in love with each other – you feel happy for them for just a moment, until you remember how you’re destined to die alone. And then, within this subset of lovers, you find humanity’s most annoying breed – the kind that can’t keep their hands off each other. They might be at the other end of the line, or they might be whispering sweet nothings to each other you have no desire to eavesdrop on, but do so nonetheless because they’re right next to you. They might even be swaying all over the place like a couple dancing to a tune only the two of them can hear.
The point is that you want to stay as far away from there as possible – the most effective remedy is pretending like they don’t exist. You wouldn’t feel the intense desire to unload a cartridge of bullets into thin air, after all.
The intoxicated. Not everyone has the opportunity to be intoxicated by love; they take recourse to the less emotionally taxing but financially costlier alternatives you’re old enough to figure out for yourself. Merely pretending that these people don’t exist at the line is not an option. You see, these people often move together in hoards that are just as touchy-feely, and probably much louder. Look out especially for those who feel confident enough to be garlanded with a Bluetooth speaker around their necks. What you must do is your best to avoid eye contact with them.
You see, any opportunity at genuine human contact will be scooped up by people who have forgotten to put up the façade of being mentally stable. Be wary of any attacks that may come in the form of aggressive handshakes, barely comprehensible introductions, unsolicited hugs, or worst of all, the recognition that you’re unwittingly nodding along to a Taylor Swift hit.
The loners. These are the surprisingly cool ones. They’ve come downstairs all alone. There’s no lover to accompany them, nor any obnoxious people performing a mildly problematic rendition of a Punjabi song still playing in their heads. They might have earphones tucked in; that’s actually a great habit to pick up – it’s a good way of avoiding any interactions in case you stumble across familiar faces in the line you do not want to talk with. Avoiding eye contact does not dissuade some people from calling out your name. If they do so and you don’t register it because you have an Acoustic Bollywood playlist soothing your ears, could avoiding human contact feel any sweeter?
Proceed to your desired destination.
Just because you can no longer awkwardly sit around in an undersized room doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with the people you were in it with till the curfew rolled in. The rest of the campus is for you to roam around and violate quiet hours in.
A food outlet. Had an early dinner? Want a badly executed excuse to hang out with a cute person some more? Done too much cardio, because you did not take my advice and ran down the stairs at the last minute anyway? Head over to any of the outlets that specialise in scamming your pockets. What even is a wild night of fun, after all, if you don’t wake up the next morning with regrets and a sheepish voice asking your parents to G-Pay you some more money.
The football field. If you’re a brave enough soul to take the chance of stumbling into a make out session, or worse, an emotionally vulnerable conversation between people you know, head over to the dew-soaked luxury of the grasses. There’s always the chance you’ll find someone or the other rolling down the hills, reminding you how life should be lived.
Your room. Stop pouting, kid; we’ve all been there and done that. I wasn’t the one that asked you to take a morning class with the misplaced ambition that it would fix your sleep schedule. All you’re going to be is groggy-eyed and tired as you rush into the wrong academic class, and run into class fifteen minutes late to meet the stern look on your Professor’s face.
At this point, you’ll have an idea in your head you swear is a great one: what if I stay up all night and go to sleep once my morning class is done? I’ll get some coffee to keep me going and deal with the consequences later.
It’s a horrible idea. You’re going to do it anyway, aren’t you?
Beautiful